Comic novels set in Cheshire, by Simon Donnelly

Somewhere, in a parallel universe where I have sold 100,000 copies, there is a vast warehouse full of these books, staffed by cheerful people on forklifts who can get one to your door by tomorrow morning. Sadly, that universe is not this one. In this one there is no warehouse. There is not even a shed.

Instead, each paperback is printed just for you, at the moment you order it, which is either wonderfully bespoke or mildly inefficient depending on how you look at it. This takes 1 to 2 weeks, and Lulu will give you a more precise estimate at checkout. So if you're planning to give one for Christmas, a birthday, or to yourself for that holiday where you need a giggle beside the pool, please order in plenty of time. The book will not hurry. Books never do.

Printing one at a time also makes each copy a little more expensive, and then there's postage, which nobody enjoys. The good news is that Lulu posts a whole order in one parcel, so if you put all four in your basket you pay the postage once, not four times. They look rather good lined up on a shelf, and they argue far less than most families at Christmas.

Lulu also has a habit of running its own discount codes, usually a percentage off, so it is worth looking for the current one before you check out. I don't set them and I can't predict them, rather like the weather in Sandbach.